Moira: Belly pains. Where's the food, host?
Tiger: And we're back! Welcome to the second tribal council episode of the season! Tonight, we say goodbye to two of our contestants, and you know what, I'm only partially lying!
Moira: What? How could you partially lie in a time like this? I'm hungry.
Tiger: Well, my name is Tiger, and there's a perfectly stocked kitchen down the hall.
Moira: Ugh, why are you so sarcastic!
Tiger: I'm sorry, but I can't connect to your complaints right now. Please call back later.
Moira: Ugh.
Brock: Moira, do you maybe want to go and eat linner?
Moira: Um, what?
Brock: Linner? Lunch. Dinner. All at once, you know. Like brunch, but near dinner. And lunch.
Moira: I doubt that's a thing.
Brock: I doubt you're a thing.
Moira: Well there's a confidence builder.
Billie: I actually wouldn't mind some food, you know? Before everyone else leaves for the tribal.
Brock: Same though.
Matthew: God I hope ___ leaves. ___ is so annoying.
Moira: Why the hell are you saying 'blank' every time?
Matthew: The crew banned us from using other contestant's names when discussing the issue of 'leaving' and 'annoying'.
Billie: I get the 'leaving' part, but 'annoying?' Maybe not.
Matthew: Apparently we need to be friendlier.
Sebastian: Alice? Are you okay?
Lacey: I was going to ask if she was sane, but then look who we're dealing with.
Alice: Good little roof, calm down.
Thalia: She's definitely not sane.
Alice: Help me! Someone! The roof is falling in!
Lacey: Not this again.
Sebastian: Young one, what in blimey's name are you doing?
Alexander: Who, me? God, I look mighty fine.
Lacey: You know who doesn't? Matthew.
Thalia: You really hate him, don't you?
Lacey: Hate isn't even strong enough.
Billie: Who do you think is going?
Matthew: Don't you know? It's definitely ____.
Moira: I knew it!
Brock: Did you though?
Matthew: Enough talk about who's dying going, I wonder what's next for this show? I mean, they've thrown enough twists already.
Tiger: No I haven't.
Billie: Maybe there won't be one for a while.
Tiger: Don't fool yourself.
Matthew: What was that?
Moira: You know what I'm thinking?
Brock: What? You want to suck some blood or run in the night?
Moira: No, that's not what vampires always do. I just want to make it to the final.
Brock: Doesn't everyone?
Moira: I doubt some of these people do.
...
Lacey: *singing* If you want it, you've already got it.
Lacey: If you thought it, it better be what you want.
Lacey: If you feel it, it must be real just...
Lacey: Say the word and I'm gonna give you what you want...
Lacey: Time is waiting! We only got four minutes to save the-
Alice: Lacey!
Lacey: -world. What now?
*Alice breaks into the room*
Alice: Where the hell were you?
Lacey: Where was I? I did nothing.
Alice: You missed my tea party you little brat!
Lacey: I what? I went to your stinkin' party in a stolen dress!
Alice: Not that tea party! I had another one and you didn't show! You think you're better than me!
Lacey: What the hell? I miss one tea party and you're angry at me? Are you kidding right now?
Alice: Don't lie to me. You've missed five! FIVE! Ever since Emmy boy left, you've been so distant! I thought we were in an alliance?!
Lacey: I was in an alliance with Emerson, not you! You want to call me distant!
Lacey: You're the one who's been distant. I wanted to talk to you about our alliance and then you pushed me away. I missed your tea parties because I'm over all this. Leave me be from now on, Alice Lowe, if that's even your real name.
Alice: It is, thank you very much. I was born this way!
Lacey: Born this way, my ass!
Alice: No thanks. Stop this nonsense.
Lacey: Says you! Little Miss Nonsense This Nonsense That.
Alice: I'm trying to help you!
Lacey: No you're not! You call this helping!
Lacey: I've had enough of this! You're a lying piece of fake hair and fake clothes! Alice Lowe isn't your real name, and I have proof. Months before I came here, I had my lawyers look into the contestants I'd be living with. I saw your name and light bulbs flickered.
Alice: You cheated! You little cheating brat!
Lacey: No, I didn't cheat. I only took a look at your file. I know your real identity, Alice. You're not Alice, you're Katherine. Katherine Delia Franks.
Lacey: You're a liar, Katherine! You have a husband, a child! Becoming someone else won't win you the grand prize.
Katherine 'Alice': And you think I'm lying! Why do you keep stuttering on your own name, Lacey! L-Stella, what kind of name is that?
Lacey: My sister's name is Stella!
Katherine 'Alice': And my mother is a cat!
Lacey: You can pretend you're not a liar all you want, but that doesn't make you a better person. Your life is defined by your choices. That's something my father used to tell me. Katherine, go home.
Katherine 'Alice': You'd love that, wouldn't you?
Lacey: I'd love to see you out of this house and in return, Emerson.
Katherine 'Alice': Uh, can't do that sweetie.
Lacey: Can't do that sweeties! Do you want your head?
Katherine 'Alice': You're not the queen of hearts! She's dead!
Lacey: Oh is she now? Glad to know you watched television! See you in court.
Thalia: God, this is juicy.
Alexander: I know right! Alice is fake, wow.
Marina: What are you guys talking about? And why in the middle of the hall?
Alexander and Thalia: Ahh! Marina, stop scaring us.
Marina: My bad. What's up?
Alexander: Besides my last meal, Alice and Lace are fighting again.
Thalia: Again? I thought this was a first.
Alexander: Shh, it is. I'm lying, okay. To get them kicked out.
Marina: Sadly, you're dealing with the wrong person. I'm a drama major. I know how to lie.
Lacey: You're a liar and a bad person, Katherine!
Katherine 'Alice': Keep your filthy hands away from me!
Lacey: My hands are filthy? Look down at yours. All that dirt is enough to last a lifetime.
*SLAP*
Lacey: You lying pig!
Alice: Ouch...I'm...not the liar here...
*the door creaks open*
Marina: Well, what do we have here? I would have cheered, if this was down at the company theatre. I'm calling the host.
Lacey: Evict this lousy monster.
Katherine 'Alice': Says you.
Lacey: I will track you down and feed you to that Jabberwocky or whatever by the time you can say 'Un-Birthday'.
Alice: I doubt a woman will want to eat me.
Lacey: You never know, do you.
Marina: I'm calling Tiger, this is getting too out of hand. Hello, Tiger? Yes, well, everything is fine, despite the fact that little miss White Blue and Pink Blue fighting. I forgot their names, okay.
Tiger: Oh, god that was quick. Did you run here Henrietta?
Henrietta the Camerawoman: Pfft...I...couldn't....run...here...
Tiger: Sure, sure.
Henrietta: Do you want me to take the two girls into solitary?
Tiger: Hold on.
Marina: Alice-
Lacey: Her name isn't Alice-
Marina: I don't care. Girl in blue, hey, listen to me!
Lacey: Her name is Katherine.
Marina: Hello, whatever your name is. Answer me.
Lacey: She's just a stuck up brat.
Katherine 'Alice': Leave me in peace. It's too loud.
Marina: Lacey, it's best if you leave this room.
Lacey: Fine, I wanted to go to the diary room anyway.
...
Alexander: Oh, you're here. I didn't know you'd come see me, I only told Billie.
Matthew: I guess that little birdie has big plans.
Billie: Don't I.
Sebastian: Billie! What are you doing in there?
Billie: I'm not here, shh.
Matt: So....
Alexander: Uh....
Matt: You wanted to talk to me, right? That's why she called for me, right?
Alexander: Uh, you know, I..wanted to...
Matt: Yeah?
Alexander: Stop interrupting me!
Matt: Uh, sorry. I wanted to say...
Billie: Come on, Alex. Say it.
Sebastian: Billie! Where are you?
Billie: Shit. Shut up.
Matt: Hey, just come out with it.
Alexander: I wanted to talk to you about, oh yeah, you know, things.
Matt: I have to go, Alex. Enough wasting my time.
Alexander: Oh.
Matthew: Billie?
Billie: I'm not Billie. Who's Billie? Billie? My name's Carol.
Matthew: I get it. Everyone's a liar here, aren't they?
Alexander: Ugh.
...
Lacey: Alice is such a brat, and to think she was lying about her name and her family. I mean, yeah I'm a liar too, but at least I don't lie about my family! Oh wait, I kinda do. I'm sorry, Lacey, I'm a mess. I'm becoming you, I guess. Me as Stella would never slap her...OMG, who am I? Am I Stella or am I Lacey? It was my fault for listening to her and coming on this trip. I'm waiting for my flight to Africa, Lace. You owe me.
...
Matthew: Hey, Lace. Can I sit down?
Lacey: Sure, I guess.
Matthew: Thanks.
Lacey: What did you want to talk about?
Matthew: Oh, uh, now I'm stumped. I just wanted to make it up to you. I really enjoy getting to know you.
Lacey: I did too...
Matthew: What you did with Alice, that was wrong, and I don't mean to be rude, but stupid.
Lacey: Hey! I mean, you're sorta right. I shouldn't have lashed out that far.
Matthew: You're not stupid, Lace. Your action was. You can make up for that.
Matthew: Fight for your place in this competition, it won't be yours until you truly show your place.
Lacey: Okay, I will. Thanks, Matt. I'm sorry I was rude to you, I was the one who jumped on you.
Matthew: I'm sorry I misunderstood the situation.
Lacey: I'm going to talk to Alice, wanna come?
Matt: Always.
...
Alice: Oh great, it's the little girl and her boyfriend.
Lacey: Hello, Alice.
Alice: You wanna accept my name now, do you?
Lacey: Honey, what are you waiting for? You could fight me right now, or you can just die alone?
Alice: What's this about?
Lacey: I apologize for the slap.
Alice: Darling, you're going home tonight. No apology needed for that fact.
Lacey: More like the opposite.
Tiger: IT'S TIME FOR THE TRIBAL COUNCIL! PLEASE MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE TOWER!
Marina: God that was loud.
Caren: I KNOW RIGHT!
Marina: How the hell did you hear me?
Caren: Oh, uh....I installed a microphone on your shirt, you're welcome.
Marina: How the hell did I hear that?
Caren: Oh, I also hid an ear piece in your ear.
Marina: I'm out.
Tiger: Welcome to the second tribal council! Welcome back to Sebastian and Thalia, it's great to see you again! Hello Alexander, Lacey and Katherine...I mean Alice.
Alice: I'm watching you....
Tiger: Sweetie, I'm not scared of you. I watched AHS, you don't scare me with your lousy threats.
Alice: Hey! Rude.
Tiger: Can you all please take a seat? Hey watch the grass! They mowed like, three weeks ago!
Alexander: Which is why I keep looking for snakes.
Thalia: Kowagatte!
Tiger: Yeah, thanks. Sit down, don't take any of my seats.
Thalia: THAT WAS ONE TIME!
Lacey: You tried to take my chair this morning...and I was sitting on it!
Tiger: Hello, and welcome to your second tribal council!
Sebastian: I'd yay or whatever you youngsters say, but I'm not happy.
Alice: Why am I here?
Lacey: God, I'm so annoyed with you right now.
Alexander: Lace, calm down.
Tiger: Okay, well, since the layout of last week's tribal was horrible (thanks self), we're starting with the questions. Alice? I don't know what this order is anymore.
Alice: I'd rather not.
Tiger: Last week, by a blind side, Emerson was evicted. Is there any hope or reason you believe you won't be voted off or any words you want to say to change their minds?
Alice: "Well, there is way more too the game then that. There are reasons to vote-out anybody in this game as some people may not need the money, some people may act rude to other people, and reasons like that. Not mentioning any names by the way."
Tiger: This is your first week unsafe. How does it feel to know that you're suddenly in the hands of others to keep you around? Are you nervous they think you are a threat?
Lacey: Oh gosh, I mean, how could I not be safe? Do you know who I am? One of the biggest stars ever, how could someone even think about voting me out? Whatever, am I nervous? Heck no, because how could someone really choose to vote ME out? Do they think I'm a threat? Heck, I'd think I was a threat if I was them. If I'm not voted out I'll give Tiger some tickets to my next show! *Turns to producer* What? I can't do that? But, I'm not bribing him or anything. Fine, I'll give everyone on the staff tickets too!
Tiger: Just hand me the tickets when we finish, okay?
Lacey: I'll try and get hold of my manager now.
Tiger: Done. Wait, I'm not allowed to accept gifts? But Lacey's my friend. Fine.
*whispers* Meet my by the tallest palm tree.
Thalia: Uh, can we keep going? I'm next.
Tiger: I knew that.
Tiger: You now know you're automatically unsafe for next week. Do you think this puts a larger target on your back or removes the target completely?
Thalia: Well, not really, cuz I think that'll make me seen as not as big of a threat, so people aren't gonna wanna vote me off. This kawaii girl ain't leavin' yet!
Tiger: You clearly aren't showing the potential you have inside, and there must be a reason behind that. Do you think next week will be the week for you and why/why not?
Alexander: I shouldn't have to try my hardest for these people just relax for now, I mean there is no way I'm going home and about next week we will have to see if i can be bothered or not.
Tiger: Final question: Last time you told me your age would not be a boundary for the competition. Now, is there anyone you think is using their age to their weakness and why?
Sebastian: I'm not sure that I understand the question, nodded off for a second there. But I could see people who are really youthful and sprightly getting overly confident or being seen as too big of threats to win challenges. You don't want to eliminate those who are weak at challenges like me, it is better to go after those who are strong and going to keep beating you.
Tiger: It's now time to cast your votes. In the event of a tie, I will call for a re-vote. If there is another tie, I will ask to draw rocks. Whoever draws the purple rock will be voted off. Sebastian, please head to the Tower.
Sebastian: Not the stairs again. My back ain't as great as it used to be.
Tiger: Just go.
Sebastian: I VOTE TO EVICT ____ BECAUSE she isn't fitting in here and that is what the group wants to have happen.
Lacey: I vote to evict ____ because Emerson is gone, and so I'd like to break our on screen alliance before she does it herself.
*she makes a sad face*
Tiger: So there's off screen alliances? We film all day. How is that possible?
Alexander: I VOTE TO EVICT _____ BECAUSE I'm a jerk, do I really need a reason?
Tiger: What is this, Australian Big Brother?
Alice: I VOTE TO EVICT _____ BECAUSE she refused to come to my tea party.
Tiger: I thought we went over this, that never happened!
Alice: You never happened!
Tiger: Shut up Alice!
Thalia: I vote to evict ____ because she won last competition, so I think it would be wise getting a threat out early.
Tiger: Thank you all for the votes, my honest to god pleasure to see one of you go.
All: Hey!
Tiger: It is with my greatest sadness..
All: Thank you.
Tiger: Don't say yes until I finish talking!
All: Fine.
Tiger: As I was saying, it's time to go.............................
*the world is silent*.................Jordan! Oh, wait, that was Sim Star Idol and yesterday. It's time to go.......Alice!
Alice: Oh yay. I didn't know everyone loved me so much. I'll just wait for the rabbit down the road.
Tiger: Don't you mean with Caren down at After-Show land? Ps. I never really liked that haircut.
Alice: If we're talking about who we never really liked, I never really like Thalia or Lacey...or Alexander....or Sebastian....or Brock....or Moira.....or Billie....or Matt....or you, for that matter.
Tiger: So, you like nobody?
Alice: I like Tony, the camera guy.
Tony: Thank you.
Everyone else: You're alone, Alice!
Tiger: Okay, Caren? Are you there? Are you ready?
Caren: .....
Tiger: Caren? Hello?
Caren: Uh, yuck. Someone seriously smells. Is that you, Ram?
Ram, the Water Boy: Baby you've got to come through. Teach them to smile.
Caren: I get it, you're in the closet gay. Moving on, Tiger, is it time yet?
Tiger: I've been waiting for three minutes.
Caren: Oops, my bad. Hello, and welcome to the after-show! Joining us today is.....uh, who left?
Ram: Katherine.
Caren: Who the hell is that?
Alice: Exactly my point.
Caren: Oh, it's Alice. I'm really looking forward to this chat!
Ram: I'm not.
Caren: Are you dumb? That was sarcasm. Alice, everyone!
Alice: Hello. You couldn't even afford an applause button.
Tiger: We're on a budget, okay?
Alice: For a show that apparently has enough money for large sets such as the Clue House, you're so on a budget.
Tiger: I will personally knock your lights out. Then knock them back on again, I'm sorry.
Caren: Anyway, let's continue with the show! Please, sit down.
Alice: I'm not the anime freak.
Caren: I still can't trust you.
Caren: So, the world expected your elimination tonight, but did you? Hold on, what are you doing?
Alice: What?
Caren: You just moved away from me, that's not supposed to happen.
Alice: What is this, planned?
Caren: Maybe, Felicia.
Alice: What is with people not knowing my name?
Caren: Just answer my question.
Alice: Aside from the arrogance, no I did not see it coming. That bitch Tracy had it coming! She slapped me! That bitch stabbed me!
Caren: Slapped. Not stabbed.
Alice: Did I say stabbed? I meant slapped. As I was saying before you interrupted me, I wasn't a threat. I did nothing wrong.
Caren: Except win a HOH and yell a lot. And become insane. And be alive.
Alice: STOP INTERRUPTING ME!
Caren: Happy days.
Caren: Anyway, for the viewers at home, any last words? Ps. I'll just go and change into my formal gown, I was unprepared okay.
Alice: And they call me stupid. Last words, huh? I don't want any of ya'll to win. I wish you all die in a non-opening hole.
Ram: Non-opening? Holes can open?
Alice: Yes, genius! Rabbit holes. I travel through them, you know.
Caren: I'm back. Ram, what did she say? She hates everyone, right?
Ram: Uh huh. Also, did you know holes open?
Caren: Ram, she's silly. Don't listen to her!
Ram: But she made me feel special.
Caren: Do you ever listen to what words you're about to say?
Ram: Sometimes.
Caren: On with the next question! If you had to pick someone to win, who would it be, and you can't say 'nobody' because there has to be a winner, right Tiger?
Tiger: Unless this show is cancelled.
Caren: You wouldn't!
Alice: Okay fine, I guess I'd want......................................
Charles: Katherine?
Alice: THERE'S NO ONE HERE NAMED KATHERINE!
Charles: Katherine? This isn't you.
Alice: Huh? You're not my brain.
Alice: I don't know this man!
Charles: Katherine, listen to me. Your name is Katherine.
Alice: I'm not listening! Don't come near me!
Charles: Kath-
Alice: Rape! Rape! Get your hands off of me, you filthy man! No Charles!
Charles: You remembered my name. Good.
Alice: Get off me Charles! You ripped my dress!
Charles: Katherine, I did none of the sort.
Alice: Stay away from me.
Charles: You moved closer to me.
Alice: I did not.
Charles: Come home, our baby needs you.
Alice: Alice doesn't have a child.
Charles: Katherine does, and she needs you. When you named her Alice, I never thought it would get this bad.
Alice: What? Who am I?
Charles: Your name is Katherine Jane Hatridge, and I'm your husband.
Katherine: Charles? Is it really you?
Charles: Yes, it is. Welcome back, Kat.
Katherine: I'm sorry, Charles. I didn't mean to become insane and join a television reality show.
Charles: I'm just happy to have you back.
Katherine: What am I wearing?
Charles: You thought you were Alice from Wonderland, but it's over now. Do you want to see a picture of us together?
Katherine: I miss you. Yes.
Charles: You were so beautiful..are beautiful..take off that silly wig, it's not you.
Katherine: I will soon, can you tell me how this all happened?
Charles: It was the day our daughter, Alice Grace, was born. You became obsessed with her and her name, and you developed a passion for Alice in Wonderland. I tried to help you, sent you to doctors and therapists, but you had in your mind that you were Alice. When this show began auditioning, you had the wacky idea to join, and the rest is what you saw. I threw you out because I couldn't handle what you've become.
Katherine: Charles, our daughter is precious. I won't ever let myself slip away again.
Charles: I love you, Katherine.
Katherine: I love you, Charles.
*a loud gunshot is heard in the distance*
Mya: Well, as much as I would have enjoyed being tonight's guest, and as much as their romance fills me with love and devotion, I'm 100% sure that was a gun shot, and that ain't safe. BTW, hello world, Mya Arrington is back!
Ram: You're so pretty. *reaches to touch her face*
Mya: Are we going to have a problem? You got a bone to pick?
Ram: No ma'm.
Mya: See ya!
*he runs away*
Caren: I'm getting there. Marina? Are you okay?
Marina: Yeah, I'm hiding in the library.
Caren: It's not like robbers have cell phones and other technologies or anything.
Marina: Sorry.
Marina: Who was that?
Caren: I doubt it was anyone important, maybe just Tony?
Marina: What happened between the two of you?
Caren: Save it for another day.
Brock: I peed a little.
Moira: I can see. You're the one who does death defying stunts.
Brock: I'm clumsy, okay?
Moira: Uh, that doesn't help with your case.
Brock: I couldn't make it in time because I tripped on this rug.
Moira: There's no rug there.
Matthew: *gasp* What the hell?
Jordan: I'm in charge now! Everyone in this room, right now!
Marina: Hey, where's Tiger and Caren? They haven't came into this room yet....
Jordan: Question. Hand goes up. Marina, darling. Those hosts are in some place....safe.
Marina: Somehow I don't feel like safe has the same meaning between you and I.
Tiger: Mhhhmmm
Caren: Mmmmhhhmmh.
Mya: Ah, Jordan Valle. Aren't I glad to see you? How's the drug smuggler? Dead?
Jordan: For your information, pal, no. He's not.
Mya: What a splendid outfit on! Really suits that fat stomach of yours.
Jordan: Enough! I've had it with the insults! This is my show now! There will be no more co-hosts! You're all rude and disrespectful!
Mya: Guess Ashy hasn't been giving you love recently.
Jordan: Grrr
Alexander: I always hated the co-hosts!
Lacey: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! I forgot to give the tickets to Tiger!
Sebastian: You young ones with your big deals and your big plastic surgeon jobs!
Lacey: I never had work, thank you very much!
Marina: Jordan, I'm sorry. We didn't mean to hurt your feeling, it was a stupid prank-
Jordan: Stupid prank my ass! Give me one reason not to pull the trigger.
Moira: You'd go to jail...
Brock: There's cameras filming this....
Billie: People will see this on their TV set....
Jordan: Enough! Quiet! Tiger gave me the rights to this show-
Thalia: More like you blackmailed him....
Jordan: Shut up! This is The Jordan Valle Show now! You're under my control, right Tiger?
Tiger: Mhhhhhmmmh
Caren: Mhhhhhhhm
Jordan: Shut up Caren, I didn't ask you to speak.
Jordan: Put your hands in the air! Hold them where I can see them! It's time for....................................an Instant Eviction!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Join us next time when Jordan's plans for the instant eviction fall into place.
I'm Tiger, and can someone please undo the rope around my arms and face. It's digging into my bones.
