Tiger: Hello! Welcome to the first ever (!) house tour for High Hopes, a Big Brother-Survivor hybrid! Today, you will see this lovely house (Isn't it cute?) and meet your host, ME! But for now, I'll let two of the adorablest (not a word) people in the world take you into....Paradise Hut!
Dia: Thanks! Well, Ash, let's show them this house. Just to mention, neither of us have seen it yet, so I'm excited!
Asho: Hell yes! Paradise Hut sounds exotic.
Dia: I want the main house! Please!
Asho: Fine, baby. I'll take this smaller less exciting room.
Asho: Here beside it we have a cute area to sit in the baking sun and soak up cancer.
Dia: Hey!
Asho: Sorry, I meant soak up some tan!
Dia: I hope this house is amazing! I hear there's a cookies somewhere in the pantry!
Dia: Here we go guys and girls, first reveal!
Dia: Ooh, a dining room. Very dark tones here, an old wheel hanging on the wall. Very old fashioned.
Tiger: That's what it was meant to be! If you look at the kitchen, it's meant to reflect the bottom of the sea. With the kitchen being the heart of a home, so is much to the bottom of the sea.
Dia: I see, the kitchen is very dark. I like what you're doing here, Tiger. Moving on!
Dia: Nice pot plant, some cute seating, and I see some fancy hanging lanterns. So much beach I might just faint.
Dia: Beautiful as always. Hold on, I missed something.
Dia: Is that a Maws poster? The naughty shark you. I really loved that movie, more than my boyfriend. Great acting on her behalf.
Tiger: Dia?
Dia: Moving on!
Dia: Here we have the bathroom. Porta potties for days. Nice colour scheme here, definitely beach themed. Any inspiration for this, Tiger?
Tiger: Nope, bathrooms aren't fun. Just liked the look of the bright porta potty.
Dia: Dat snowman though! I mean sandman. Even his little mustache is golden. I mustache you a question later Tiger.
Tiger: Oh god.
Dia: Anyway, over here we have two sleeping bags. That's it, really? I feel so sorry for the contestants.
Tiger: There's a bedroom somewhere, that's for the Have-Nots.
Dia: Oh, my bad. Continuing on, we have a quite bright room.
Dia: Cute fountain. Also, this room simply loves Lava-Lamps! Tiger?
Tiger: It looks underwatery.
Dia: Well, this room certainly is under the sea. All we need is a mermaid. Oh, there is one? Found it. You guys can't see it, the camera wouldn't reach that far down.
Dia: Let me just sit here all day. I can already smell the sea salt.
Dia: Nice little pond area. What's the deal with this room?
Tiger: The living room is as it sounds: a living space. And where's the most living of the sea? The middle. Plus, living rooms are for everyone, and so are the middles of the ocean.
Dia: Don't I know it.
Dia: Plus there's this guy. He's fantastic, any names?
Tiger: Oof. Long story.
Dia: Moving along, we see this room. It's got its own skylight for god's sake! It's almost like my own private beach. Can I borrow this tonight Tiger?
Tiger: As long as you don't mess up the sand. We have contestants arriving one day soon.
Dia: I love it! Two cute loungers and a mini ocean. Okay, so now I have to walk back towards the front door apparently.
Dia: There's a door behind the dining room. The bedrooms?
Dia: On three: One, two...
Dia: Screw it, I'm in! Wow, nice tapestry. But no bedrooms.
Dia: Those planks of wood really tie the whole seat together. See what I did there?
Tiger: I worry sometimes.
Dia: Another door! This room looks so unexpected I think I could cry. That paint on the rug looks so real.
Tiger: Trust me, it is. I slaved over throwing paint at that.
Dia: I'm proud.
Dia: Anyway, this here is the Diary Room! In here, I can rant about how ugly Corrine's shoes are or how horrible Brett can be on weekends. They'll never know. Only if they watch this exact video after their eviction. I promise Helen doesn't fart in her sleep. But Ian does. And snores too.
Dia: Anyway, some nice art deco in this room and I'm totally digging the wallpaper and the paint rug. I would live in here if I could.
Tiger: Well, two things: it's basically modeled off a home space, unlike how most rooms are at the beach or the ocean. Also, we had two Bretts call in and four Ians. Also, one Helen called in just to confirm her partner Ian does in fact snore.
Dia: I literally made that up on the spot. Calm down, Australia!
Dia: Sadly, that's the end of my part of the tour. I'll throw you over to Ash with the box room. See ya!
Asho: Thanks, Dia. Anyway, let's go inside. I'm guessing this is the bedroom.
Dia: I knew there was a bedroom!
Asho: I was right. As you can see, there are eight beds in here, and apparently two sleeping bags in the main house. I'm guessing since this is unattached to the main house, it's meant to signify a stranded island.
Tiger: Spot on.
Asho: Let's head back outside to see what Dia's up to.
Asho: Hey, what's wrong? You look really pissed off. Was it that bad?
Dia: No, the house was beautiful. That's the point. I want to live here.
Asho: I know, it's so pretty seeing the mountains and the waterfalls, but we're not contestants. Remember, Tiger is hosting.
Tiger: Just be happy I didn't send either of you to Pennbrook Estate. Hey, throw it over.
Asho: Okay, over to you Tiger. See you guys some other time. Maybe co-hosting?
Tiger: Keep praying, Asho. Anyway, here I am! Yes, I dyed my hair blue. It matches, right? Anyway, I'm not here to talk about hair, I'm here for the Tribal council tour!
Tiger: Here our contestants will vote.
Tiger: Whether it's someone they hate, someone they tolerate or someone they love, the contestants will face the tribal council at least once. And at tribal, the only one safe is me.
Tiger: Let's go see the main ceremony area!
Tiger: Here we have it. Mixing together a splash of Big Brother with the classic Survivor zone, this tribal council will be sure to entertain.
Tiger: Each week, I'll grill each contestant with one question. Whether it be strategic, social or even plain silly, each contestant will face my tough critique and sarcasm. And trust me, if I want to get angry, I'll get hell angry.
Tiger: Behind these chairs, we have the diving board of death. Each voted off contestant will have to take a leap of faith into the waters, but since I don't have insurance over their deaths, we just have to let them walk down to the beach.
Tiger: Along with the house and the tribal council, there are a couple more areas that might catch your fancy. Like the HoH room.
Tiger: The secret Pier...
Tiger: And the Hunahpu waterfalls!
Tiger: Thanks for tagging along for this amazing house and island tour! I hope to see you on Day 1, and I hope you enjoy High Hopes. It's been a pleasure already and I just really hope this show gets the hype it deserves. Thanks Dia Grey and Asho Theed for touring the house for me, and I'll see you all later. This is Tiger Blu, goodbye.
